Eww, Valentines
by animeninjaNIPPON
Summary: It's Valentine's Day at skool. Every boy has a girl to flirt with, and viceversa. Well, almost… [slash alert]


By animeninjaNIPPON

The skool was polluted with lacy, red-and-pink paper hearts. Wrappers from little chocolates were strewn across the floor. Fudge-flavored vomit plastered the restroom stalls like paint. And of course, every boy had a girl to flirt with, and vice-versa. Well, almost…

"Valentine's Day is for FOOLS!" came the voice of the green alien-in-disguise known as Zim as he kicked a foil wrapper off his boot and ripped a peanut butter cup out of his wig. He marched down the hall towards the playground but was halted buy the impudent affections displayed in his path. The couple reluctantly ceased their hanky-panky long enough for Zim to pass, then resumed their actions. "That's the TENTH pair I've seen today! Is anyone in this stupid skool NOT making out?"

As if some random deity answered his question, he saw Dib standing alone against a chain-link fence. The dark-haired boy appeared to be reading a book on the supernatural, but was actually watching the happy couples chase each other across the blacktop. He managed to distance himself from the young lovers (not that they would have noticed him anyway), who played a not-so-innocent game of freeze tag where one would have to kiss the other to keep the game going. Dib sighed – half jealousy, half annoyance – as he tried to concentrate on his book, but his amber eyes kept wandering off the pages and into the February Marti Gras before him. The boys chased the girls, the boys kissed the girls, the girls chased the boys, Zim fired off a semi-automatic laser gun into the crowd, everyone fled –

"What the – " Dib began as he did a double take. He didn't get the chance to look again, as Zim was hauled off by a housing cop and forced against the fence, right next to Dib.

"And don't you move!" the housing cop boomed before storming off.

"What did you do that for?" Dib asked, turning to Zim, who stood perfectly straight against the fence with his hands behind his back.

"Those stupid stinkbeasts were ANNOYING ZIM!" he replied as if that was a good enough excuse.

"It's not right to interfere with people in love, Zim," Dib snapped, despite being somewhat satisfied with Zim's actions.

Zim stared at Dib. "Those Earth-monkeys can be 'in love' if they want, but I'm SICK of them flaunting their stupid FEELINGS all over the place!"

"Do you wish you had someone?" Dib asked innocently.

"WHAT? NO! Why would I?"

"'Cuz you seem kinda bitter… and jealous."

"JEALOUS? I am ZIM; I envy nothing!"

"Everyone envies something," Dib said matter-of-factly, turning back to his book. "It's human nature."

"But of course!" Zim agreed nervously, "for I am a HUMAN!"

"So, what are you jealous of, ZIM?"

"I'll never tell YOU, Dib-human! Why don't you say what YOU'RE jealous of?" Dib ignored Zim and engrossed himself in his book. "ANSWER ME!" Zim knocked the book out of Dib's hands in frustration.

As Dib leaned over to retrieve the book, he muttered, "Sometimes I envy those couples out there. But only on Valentine's Day."

Zim was baffled. "You want to be like THEM?"

Dib shrugged. "It must be nice…"

"To run around like an IDIOT? I can make you RUN!" With that, Zim brandished his laser gun and pointed it at Dib. "RUN!"

Dib ran along-side the chain-link fence as Zim chased after him, firing off beams. One of the beams grazed the shoulder of its target, knocking him to the ground.

"That didn't hurt!" Dib exclaimed.

"Eh, it's a prototype." Zim chucked the gun over his head as he kneeled down to where Dib was sitting. "It doesn't matter, because I CAUGHT you!"

"So?"

"So THIS!" He leaned over and kissed Dib on the lips.

Zim suddenly pulled away, realization reflecting in his contacts.

"Wow, you were right, Zim," Dib hated to admit. "That was pretty meaningless."

"LIAR!" Zim stood up and extended a finger in Dib's face. "You felt that weird tingly feeling, too, didn't you?"

"What are you saying?"

"You know, that – " Zim started to explain, then decided another demonstration was in order. He kissed Dib with more passion this time, and Dib kissed him back.

"Oh, you mean THAT," Dib said coyly.

"Yeah…" Zim seemed to be at a loss for words.

Suddenly, the skool bell rang. "Well, happy Valentine's Day, Zim," Dib said, hugging the green boy tightly.

"You too, Dib-human." Zim hugged back.

The two parted and headed back to class as if nothing ever happened. Only 364 days till the next Valentine's Day…

The End


End file.
